Monday, February 26, 2018

Just In: Fat Mike to Omit 'Don't Call Me White' on Pittsburgh Stop to Talk More About That Double-Barrel Aged Imperial Stout

NOFX frontman Fat Mike intends to remove 'Don't Call Me White' from the band's setlist for their show May 20 in Pittsburgh to gush over the double-barrel aged imperial stout on tap during the event, the punk rock veteran announced earlier today.

"Don't get me wrong, we still love that track," he said between sips from a snifter of lemon-infused saison. "But we want the people in Pittsburgh to chill out and have some fun, and that song comes off kind of harsh – nothing like the smooth, clean finish of that imperial stout I'll talk about at great length during our set."

"An eight-ounce pour for $9.50 [in addition to the lowest price of $45.50 per ticket], to boot. What a steal!" he added.

When asked if this move might contradict the punk outfit's consistently anti-status quo message, Fat Mike continued to herald the beer's flavor and texture.

"'They're so fucking ordinary white,'" he quoted from the track to be excluded, then taking a bite of his arugula and prosciutto white pizza. "Great line, but let me make something clear: there is nothing ordinary about the sublimely crafted tones featured in every ounce of that double-barrel aged draft—by the way, you should spell that 'draught,' if you can—that will be available at numerous vendors throughout the entire show."

"Not to mention, it will really pair well with the bourbon vanilla small-batch ice cream or the half-pound elk burgers that you'll be able to buy from the kitchen," he interjected, before he could be asked whether it seemed to defy the career he built in large part by resisting commercial pursuits and criticizing those who didn't.

Other bands on the bill have considered changes as well. Long-time punk staple Bad Religion has announced they are "currently discussing" whether to cut material from their set so they can have an opportunity to discuss the city's lovely traditional Roman Catholic community.

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