Monday, December 26, 2011

Shanahan Giving Out Suspensions for Concussion-Causing Hits Despite Looking Like He's Constantly Suffering From One or Six

Alright, jags, hope you've been enjoying your time off for Santa and Yahweh or whatever the hell yinz are celebratin nowadays. In case yinz didn't notice, downing your eggnog, cocktails, n'at, Pens resident ass-beater Deryk Engelland wasn't in the lineup for our shit fest all over the Jets due to a three-game suspension handed down by NHL disciplinarian (they say he's in charge of "player safety," but shit ain't much safer) Brendan Shanahan.

To begin, this punishment begs the question whether a man who looks as if he's been afflicted with a half dozen undiagnosed concussions in his career, or preps for his TV appearances with a bottle of Everclear, is really fit to be handing out any sort of "discipline."

Brendan Shanahan, the modern incarnation of Batman's Two-Face. Note how the right half of his face is center and maintaining direct contact with the camera, while the other is sinking faster than the city of Venice.

Before I go any farther, yinz gotta respect Shanahan's career and can't blame him for the NHL being as a competent at its employment as your local high school football coach is at being an educator.

That said, how the hell does Engelland, with no previous record whatsoever, get three games, whereas that hypocritical fuck Max Pacioretty gets two for leveling Letang with a blindside hit? Yinz know, the exact same kinda hit that those two-timing dickheads used to turn Cooke into the NHL's public enemy.

Pacioretty and that league of Francophone fucks should be flooding the phone lines of their local police over this one -- enough so, of course, that those in dire need can be unable to access authorities while some Habs fan asshole cries for an hour about a hockey game "emergency."

Anyhow, I also can't get enough of this image flip the NHL is attempting. I suppose it's necessary, but keep in mind that Hall of Famer Scott Stevens made a whole fuckin career trucking people through the neutral zone. Though that jag had plenty of other playing skills, his whole career is marked by his ability to put people outta their fucking misery, including mom's basement dwellers like Eric Lindros.

So, before yinz go and make any more decisions, yinz maybe oughta get your own ImPACT test, alright jags?

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