Talbot Signs with the Flyers Unfiltered
Maxime Talbot, consummate asshole, is the latest jag to turn to the dark side and join with the Flyers, signing a contract for five years, $9 million. This act of debauchery comes on the heels of fellow jag Jaromir Jagoff joining the club as well for free drinks at any Atlantic City betting establishment.
Chuck's Verdict: OVERPAID. The freakin jag had one playoff game that will define his entire, otherwise unremarkable career and thinks he should get paid a boatload for it. I mean, for fuck sake, I ain't drunk enough to do another Number Crunch (brought to you by Iron City Beer), but he's getting more than Dupuis despite contributing less, being a -15 in his past two seasons, and only getting in the lineup because of a freak rash of injuries. Please Paul Holmgren, continue to haphazardly hemorrage your money by overpaying for free agents. Your team is still a bunch of fucks, and you still ain't gonna beat Crosby, Malkin, and Ray Shero's secret Illuminati of hockey-playing ninja.
Let's not kid ourselves here; we should've seen this coming. Talbot was a big fish in a small pond. Having already penetrated every dirty piece of "woman" that's ever come out of Mario's, Jimmy D's, Diesel, S Bar, and any other gathering place for the Zerg-like infestation of rotten broads on a weekend in Pittsburgh, Talbot sought to move on to a world full of more, uglier, and above all dirtier broads. His body already a fortress of penicillin against such horrors as gonorrhea, syphilis, and herpes, he now takes on his most daring challenge yet, as he runs down packs of dirty hos in the City of Brotherly Love, which -- I can only assume -- means that he will at some point be physically fraternizing with men as well. I'm sure Danny Briere is great on his knees. Farewell and good riddance. Chuck out... of beer; this day is seriously becoming a nuisance.